*throws shade* *misses*

(Source: summersloth, via hotboyproblems)

176,606 notes


me: *dials 911*

operator: hello 911, what’s your emergency?

me: i need someone to cuddle with, rub my back, and play with my hair

operator: someone is on their way, please stay calm

(via mindlesstruth)

167,150 notes


me at a job interview: as you can see sir, my qualifications are highly extensive, I had earned myself a PHD

employer: it says here all you did was worked at pizza hut

me: yes sir that is correct, I had earned my living from Pizza Hut Delivery

(via wilclcat)

12,847 notes